If you’re anything like me, you want to find the perfect guy for you with a bunch of qualities that you value most. The problem, is that whenever you think you’ve almost found a person with these qualities (who knew!) you eventually realize that the idea of kissing them almost nauseating. The reason? You see them more as a friend or even brother (ew!) than a romantic partner.
Yes, we’ve all heard guys complain about the friend zone while other people (usually of the female variety) pat their back “Don’t worry Johnny, there’s still hope!” and while they’re just trying to be supportive of their recently or not-so-recently friend zoned friend, is there really hope?
In my experience, no. We all have those guy friends that are platonic (‘I love you but I’d never kiss you’ friends), but then we have those friends who, admit it ladies, we’ve had a little tiny crush from the beginning regardless of how much we deny it and ignore it and pretend it isn’t there.
I believe that unfortunately for them, the platonic relationships will always remain just that. This is not to say that there is anything wrong with the guy, he’s probably the sweetest guy with the best heart who would treat you like a queen.
The problem is when it comes to intimacy. We all look for different things and are attracted to different qualities in an intimate partner but the fact is, we do have to be sexually attracted to them and this is often something that either exists or doesn’t. This doesn’t just mean physically, but emotionally as well, there has to be some connection between the two of you where you go “wow, he’s sexy”. If you look at him and no matter how hard you try, the physical peace doesn’t interest you, he will most likely be friend zoned permanently.
It sucks. I know you were probably reading this hoping to find some secret that I’ve discovered to getting guys out of the friend zone and let me tell you, I wish I had one for you. I’ve been caught in this crappy situation quite a few times and it’s not fun for me or the other person. I’ve been on dates with some of the sweetest, most caring guys but it didn’t matter because at the end of the night when they lean in for a kiss and you’re either forced to dodge it and explain yourself to his puppy dog eyes or go with the kiss and work to control your gag reflex the entire time, it won’t work out. *Trust me on the gag part, I have been there are my dears, it is not easy to keep that vomit down. Trust.
Another thing that sucks is that you’re going to have to be honest at some point and no, he won’t be happy about it. You’ll be hurting someone you like and care about, but the thing you have to remember is that in the long run, you’re helping him by being honest as soon as possible. The longer you try because you think some mystical connection and sexual fury may hit you one day, the longer you’re keeping him from finding someone who can’t wait to kiss the hell out of him!
In relationships I try not to be selfish and the least selfish thing to do would be to just be honest but of course that’s easier said than done. Just accentuate the good things about him and how much you like him, make sure he knows you care and that you wish there was an intimate attraction but you just don’t see yourself getting there because you care about him too much. Come up with whatever you think he would most appreciate and respect because trust me, if months pass and then he finds out you weren’t attracted to him this whole time and have been lying, you’re more likely to lose not only a date, but a good friend.
Another thing to remember is that you have to be willing to do what he (or she) needs for a while. In order to get over you he may need to have less or no contact with you for a while. You can even suggest this to him and let him know you’re okay with it if that’s what he needs to do. We’ve all had a breakup where the last thing we want to do is look at the other person because we end up being flooded with all the old emotions. Give him some space and time to get over you and re-evaluate his feelings.
Reality is things may never be the same, he may be angry with you or just unable to get over his feelings (feeling desirable yet?) and there’s a chance this won’t be resolved but you owe it to you both to try. Honesty is the best policy….only sometimes of course, but in this case, definitely. Sorry to say it people but there really isn’t any way out but through. I hate to be the bearer of bad news and if someday I discover the secret to this problem I will shout it from the mountain tops OH THE DAY HAS ARRIVED!
For now, it’s just you and your good friend (or awkward disappointing acquaintance) honesty. May the zone of friends be empty as we all get up the courage to just be decent, honest people and move on- never again dreading a gag-worthy kiss!