A moment of silence please for a box of raisins that could have been wine, and a handsome man who could have been a husband had he not turned out to be a complete psychopath. Life is so full of surprises, isn’t it? Times like these make me sit back , re-download all my “social network” (find myself a perfect man online) apps and get to it…crack open the wine while you’re at it. Online…..Wine…… practically a sign that this is where I’m supposed to be, right? Or am I just kidding myself when I try to sit down to scroll through, swiping left much more often than right and hoping the next man will have at least some personality to go with his somewhat decent looks…. no? Maybe the next one. The struggle is real, but I guess we already knew that when we brought out the wine and the extra big now-it’s-serious glasses.
The best relationship advice I can give you is to make sure you’re the crazy one
Ever been in a conversation over text or messaging and you feel like you’d rather turn off your phone and go sit in the backyard watching grass grow? Maybe I have this problem more that most but I find so many people these days just can’t hold an interesting conversation to save their lives! The following is an example of my most recent text conversation with a guy:
Me: “hey” (If he can’t bother to come up with something a little bit more authentic than just “hey” neither can I)
Him: “What’s up” (not even a question mark? Is this 25 year old man really asking me what’s up? Has he had any luck with this in the past?!) So to see where he’s planning on going with this for interest sake I reply
Me: “Just eating breakfast, had a bit of a sleep in day today so that was awesome! What about you?”
Him: “Just showered ahaha” (As you can imagine, I waited a long while to see if he was going to add something a little more intelligent and conversation provoking than that but… nothing came)
Me: “fun stuff…” (clearly not interested, but amused to see what would come next)
Him: Any plans for the weekend? (UMM DUDE, it’s Wednesday and why would I tell you what I’m doing for the weekend? This is becoming a game of you asking questions, me trying to brighten it up and you being a total loser!)
So naturally I ignored that. Like wtf do you think you’re doing wasting my time like that? I have important stuff to do like get ready for a long day of studying you know… Or maybe go back to bed but that’s not important.
Him: “Or not haha” (Yeah, it’s clearly a NOT, you lame piece of nothing!)
Me: “Just working……. You?” (Clearly trying to make a point that a certain somebody’s game needs to be stepped up here)
Him: “Bye :p” (Ok buddy, you finally get that this isn’t working. Unfortunately you have no clue that the problem is with you and not me)
Ever since that conversation, I’ve found my mood to be quite irritated. Are people seriously so lazy and unimaginative these days that they can’t think of anything more interesting to ask than “what’s up”?? THE SKY IS UP, that’s about it and you aren’t going to get farther than this by talking like an immature 12 year old on MSN. Admit it, we all took part in this dreadful conversational tactic while on our family desktop computers set up in common areas of the house, keeping Google open so we could minimize MSN and still look busy whenever our parents came into the room when we were trying to ask our friends “what’s up”. I understand, we all started off that way but for a man in his mid-twenties to message a woman like that… Why bother?
I guess you could say my standards have gotten higher over the years but hey, if I’m going to end up with a long-term partner one day the last thing I want is to come home after a busy day and be asked what’s up. I don’t know babe, I just got home from 10 hours of work and 2 medical appointments with our kids, do you think you could be a little bit more specific in your line of questioning?
I guess this just raises my chances of becoming a self-loving cat lady. HA this reminds me of that new Justin Bieber song that just came out ‘Love Yourself’. (Not a Belieber by any stretch of the imagination but I will admit that he’s sexy as fuck and got some catchy music, even though he’s got enough attitude for all the teenage girls in his standing room only section).
Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever find a man who even in casual, light conversations is able to intrigue me, but for now I think it’s best to be straight forward. Some of my friends will hear the way I deal with guys and label it ‘harsh’ however these same people turn to me the next day and tell me I’m the sweetest, most kind-hearted person they’ve ever met. That, is because ‘harsh’ can be achieved without being ‘mean’ and you can see some serious results! I bet you’re wanting proof of this, well here it is.
If someone has started a conversation with me and it’s clearly going nowhere stimulating enough to keep you awake, I hit them with a “Well this is fun… haha” or “Seriously? You couldn’t come up with something more interesting than that? Haha” The ‘haha’ is crucial by the way, takes the edge off just like a big glass of wine. If you think about it, if they take my “this is fun” seriously (and not sarcastically as intended) then you know that they are in fact lame, even your attempt to pick up this conversation has fallen flat and you’re pretty much working with a lifeless corpse at this point. However, if they reply with an “lol” followed by something more interesting than “I don’t know what to talk about” (refer to corpse description) than you might have fixed this conversation. Either way, you’re only stating an opinion, you’ve taken the edge off with a ‘haha’ and you’re seeming like a pretty damn nice person!
Come on people, let’s just be honest with each other, let others know when they’re in serious need of a reassessment of their conversational skills and only spend your time learning from each other in a meaningful way. Unless of course, you happen to be a fan of the “What’s up”, “Nothing much, you” routine.